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Bros Before Hos The Guy Code Essay Writing

In Michael Kimmel essay Bros before Hos: The Guy Code talks about what being a man means. To many young men now they believe it means men don’t cry, don’t show feelings, don’t ask for directions, don’t give in, don’t show fear. All these don’t s man should not do.36 years ago being a “man” meant pretty much the same thing. Man act the way they act not to impress women but they do it because they want to be accepted by other men. Men see women as property, something they need to have to show off to other men. Men do not see women equal to them A guys manhood is the most important thing to them. Eminem was asked why he uses the word faggot so often in his raps and he answered, ” The lowest thing you can say to a man…is to call him a faggot. Faggot means taking away your manhood.” (pg. 612) Many man may have homophobia but do not even know it. Homophobia is the fear of man, that they will think of another man as a failure. Homosexuality is not manly and most man want to be considered manly not homosexual. Most men stay in the ” im a man” box because if they step out of that box than other men would be mean to them. Not only mean but they will get teased for life it would not be the same for them.

They would feel lonely and because of that loneliness they might fall into depression and want to kill themselves or the ones that are bugging them. Many men take risk too prove their manhood by exposing themselves too risks. That is why men ” drink too much, drive too fast, and play chicken in a multitude of dangerous venues.” (pg.614). Being a man starts very early in a boys life, there is also a boys code that all little boys need to follow so their guy friends can accept them. The pressure of being a boy/man comes at a very early age. Boys are told not to cry and to not be a sissy. Boys are taught to not cry and not show any type of emotions. The boy code tells boys to act tough but their mothers show them the complete opposite. That is why many boys disconnect themselves from their mothers because they do not want to learn about girl things. Many get angry and violent because they think is the only emotions they can show. ” No wonder boys drop out of school, are diagnosed as emotionally disturbed four times more than girls, and get into fights twice as often.” (pg616)

Boys get into much more trouble and have more pressure beucase they need to show their boys and not girls. The boy code/guy code puts a lot of pressure into boys/guys on becoming a man, pressure they really do not need.

Men in this society have unwritten rules and expectations that they generally follow whether consciously or not. In his essay, “Bros Before Hos”: The Guy Code, Michael Kimmel discusses the exact unwritten rules that most males follow on a daily basis. Of these rules, number 1 is: “No Sissy Stuff! Being a man means not being a sissy, not being perceived as weak, effeminate, or gay” (609). American society tends to believe that anybody that expresses emotion is being effeminate or weak. Even worse, a man could be viewed by his peers as homosexual. Kimmel explains the great fear that men have of being viewed as gay, “[h]omophobia- the fear that people might misperceive you as gay- is the animating fear of American guys’ masculinity. It’s […] what drives the fear that other guys will see you as weak, unmanly, frightened” (613). Fear is the basis for internalizing ones emotions. This means that expressing ones emotions can make them feel very vulnerable. The truth is is that everybody has similar feelings at some point or another, they just deal with them in different ways.

Some can easily express that they feel sad or hurt, but these people are usually viewed as girly. Therefore, if a man wants to be a man, he can’t show that he has these feelings. We have a great fear of being judged negatively by our male peers and this is a large problem for the expression of emotions in our patriarchal society. Kimmel says, “[o]ur peers are a kind of ‘gender police,‘ always waiting for us to screw up” (612). Guys aren’t scared of what girls think but rather what other guys think. They are the critics that matter because they have the power to judge and humiliate. Emotional suppression can have huge negative effects in many aspects of a persons well-being along with the well being of their surroundings. Men in this society have unwritten rules and expectations that they generally follow whether consciously or not. In his essay, “Bros Before Hos”: The Guy Code, Michael Kimmel discusses the exact unwritten rules that most males follow on a daily basis.

Of these rules, number 1 is: “No Sissy Stuff! Being a man means not being a sissy, not being perceived as weak, effeminate, or gay” (609). American society tends to believe that anybody that expresses emotion is being effeminate or weak. Even worse, a man could be viewed by his peers as homosexual. Kimmel explains the great fear that men have of being viewed as gay, “[h]omophobia- the fear that people might misperceive you as gay- is the animating fear of American guys’ masculinity. It’s […] what drives the fear that other guys will see you as weak, unmanly, frightened” (613). Fear is the basis for internalizing ones emotions. This means that expressing ones emotions can make them feel very vulnerable. The truth is is that everybody has similar feelings at some point or another, they just deal with them in different ways. Some can easily express that they feel sad or hurt, but these people are usually viewed as girly. Therefore, if a man wants to be a man, he can’t show that he has these feelings.

We have a great fear of being judged negatively by our male peers and this is a large problem for the expression of emotions in our patriarchal society. Kimmel says, “[o]ur peers are a kind of ‘gender police,‘ always waiting for us to screw up” (612). Guys aren’t scared of what girls think but rather what other guys think. They are the critics that matter because they have the power to judge and humiliate. Emotional suppression can have huge negative effects in many aspects of a persons well-being along with the well being of their surroundings.

A man should be a big wheel, this means he should acquire and accumulate as much wealth and power as possible, the corollary is that the respect a man gets from his peers is directly proportional to what he owns or controls. Thirdly, he should be as sturdy as an oak, this implies that he should be dependable in time of crisis and his friends should know they can count on him to put his needs second and come through for them for the sake of the friendship. Finally a man should “give them hell” the implication of this is that a man should be aggressive, he should show no fear and when it comes to problem solving he should take the most risky and aggressive way without any regard to what society thinks or the risk he puts himself under, in fact the more risky an action the higher the accolades (Kimmel, 2008). From when they are boys, men are taught by the society, especially older males and father figures as well as brothers that they must conform to the dictates of manhood which involve aggressiveness and lack of feminine emotional attributes otherwise they are shunned and emasculated. This results in a culture of masculinity where manhood is measured through ones capacity to endure pain, do risky and sometimes crazy things and neglect their needs for emotional expression unless these emotions are manly such as anger. The article shows how men conform to these rules both consciously and subconsciously, he talks of men being gender police to each other, as such from when he is a boy the American man will try to show no femininity and maximum masculinity everywhere in case he is “unmasked” by other men. From my personal experience, this is true because basically when children are born, they have no gender, only sex, however from the start men identify their own and begin initiating them at every opportunity. A father will buy his son a football or a toy car and other manly toys, when a boy child cries, he is likely to be admonished instead of being comforted with “men don’t cry”. As a result he is likely to grow up suppressing his emotions or hiding from other men when he wants to express them. Kimmel correctly cites homophobia as one of the main effects of this overly masculine self-perception, one of the greatest insults you can use on a man is to call him a faggot. The connection to gayness is not necessarily relevant however, it is the aspect of being deprived of your masculinity that hurts the most and as a result men avoid any behavior that may be construed as gay (Gregory, 2011). Therefore, you will hardly see men cry in public or wear clothes that have traditionally female colors like pink and lavender; this has also rendered men poor interpersonal support providers. When a man is stressed, his friends will not hug him or engage in any meaningful physical interaction that would help in such situations such as holding hands this is because they are afraid to be suspected of being gay. Consequently, men learn how to either project their emotions to other things such as violence in sports or games and even fighting and drinking, many of them just suppress their feelings in fear of being though weak (Kimmel, 2008). This often results in psychological complications in later life or esteem issues, additionally; these men ...Show more

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